John Wilson was squeezed out on a rainy morning in London on July 16, 1986. His mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberries. An elusive tart, John has been spoken of in some circles as a rapscallion and a codswallop. He is known as the father of the modern donkey punch, and has a patent pending. Mr. Wilson, or "Douchebag" as his friends sometimes refer to him, enjoys panties, music, money, and turkey sandwiches. There was an incident once involving a sheep, but we don't like to get into it, and the sheep is still safely located somewhere in the Pacific Northwest as part of the Witness Protection Program. That is all, there is absolutely nothing else that warrants mentioning about John. Really. Ask him about his travels in Nebraska…actually no, don't.
